ROMEO AND JULIET: A Sock Puppet Adaptation

By Jordon Kalilich

Copyright (C) 2004 Jordon Kalilich. All rights reserved.

CHARACTERS (in order of appearance):
NARRATOR
LARRY, Juliet's cousin
TINA, Juliet's cousin
BETTY, Romeo's sister
JOE, Romeo's brother
ROMEO, our hero
JULIET, our heroine
DJ, a DJ at the ball

SCENE 1 - The Morning Paper

NARRATOR
It's a beautiful morning, and Larry and Tina Jones, cousins of the fair maiden
named Juliet, leave the family castle to get the morning paper.

LARRY
Oh, lovely day, isn't it?

TINA
Yes it is. You betcha!

{LARRY picks up the paper and starts reading it.}

LARRY
Oh dear!

TINA
What is it? Did the neighbors' dog chew up the paper again?

LARRY
No, no, it's not that. It says there's going to be a grand ball tonight. Hmm...
It also says that the Smiths are coming right this way.

{Betty and Joe Smith, of Romeo's family, walk up to Larry and Tina.}

BETTY
(contemptfully) Hello, Larry and Tina Jones.

TINA
(also contemptfully) Hello, Betty and Joe Smith. How are you this fine day?

JOE
(also also contemptfully) Just fine. That's why it's a fine day. Harrumph!

LARRY
Hey Joe, your socks are untied.

JOE
(looking down) Hey, wait - what! I'm not wearing any socks! Baaah!!

{All four of them start fighting. The narrator pops up to set the scene.}

NARRATOR
The Smiths and the Joneses are two families who don't get along very well, you
see. They've hated each other's guts for as long as anyone can remember, and in
fact, no one even knows why.

{BETTY pops out from the brawl.}

BETTY
That's right.

{She rejoins the fight.}

NARRATOR
Quite sad indeed. Anyway, as Larry said, there will be a ball tonight at the 
king's palace. Anybody who's everybody must attend. And since the Smith and 
the Jones families both think they're hot stuff, odds are they're both going to
attend. Let's find out...

SCENE 2 - The Grand Ball

{The ballroom is full of people chatting and having a good time. The music 
hasn't started yet. Enter BETTY and JOE, with ROMEO following close behind.}

BETTY
So, here we are at the grand ball. Hurry up, Romeo, you're slacking behind!

ROMEO
I'm coming, I'm coming. I don't know why you even bother to take me to these 
dumb balls and other events, because they're really boring and all they have to
eat and drink are a bag of old pretzels and huge thing of Diet Pepsi.

NARRATOR
Meanwhile, across the noisy ballroom...

LARRY
So, here we are at the ball. What do you think, Juliet?

JULIET
I hate these social events; you know that! All the DJs ever play here are Spice
Girls songs and the Macarena. And you know how much I hate the Macarena!

TINA
Yes, we know. Remember who volunteered to burn your old Macarena CDs?

JULIET
And so willingly, I might add. Thank you very much for that.

{The DJ takes the mike at his table in the back of the room.}

DJ
Ooooookay, folks! It's great to be here in the king's palace!

{The audience roars.}

DJ
This first song is a nice, slow number that you all love. This one goes out
to... Cinderella, 'from your Prince Charming.'

{A nice, slow number plays. JOE sees ROMEO sitting by himself.}

JOE
Come on out on the dance floor! What have you got to lose?

ROMEO
Well, there was that one time...

JOE
Never mind that; it healed eventually. Come on out here!

ROMEO
Oh, fine...

{Romeo reluctantly trudges into the crowd. He sees Juliet there.}

ROMEO
Wow! What a fine fair maiden!

{Juliet, who is within earshot, hears.}

JULIET
Who, me? Oh yeah, I get that a lot.

{She moves closer to him.}

JULIET
You know, you're not so bad yourself. What's your name?

ROMEO
My name is Smith.

{Suddenly, the music stops, JULIET gasps, and everyone stares. After a nervous 
silence, the music starts again and everything returns to normal.}

ROMEO
...Romeo Smith. And yours?

JULIET
Juliet Jones. Ah, we must never look upon each other. I've been taught to 
treat your family with blatant disrespect, and I must do so! Couldn't you tell 
by the way I gasped?

ROMEO
But... but you're so purdy. You're purdier than a daisy in a garden. Besides, 
we can't let a little thing like angry families keep us apart.

JULIET
It just wouldn't be right. What would our families say?

{ROMEO sighs at this, and then LARRY, TINA, BETTY, and JOE come in and step 
between them.}

JOE
Romeo, what do you think you're doing? You're fraternizing with the enemy!

LARRY
(to Juliet) What he said! Except... your name isn't Romeo.

LARRY, TINA, BETTY, and JOE
Harrumph!

{The two parties storm off in opposite directions.}

NARRATOR
And so, Romeo and Juliet parted. But that's not the end of the story; It would 
be a pretty lame story if it was. The very next night, Romeo appeared outside 
Juliet's castle.

SCENE 3 - The Ubiquitous Castle Scene

{ROMEO appears, with a ladder, outside JULIET's tower window. She's inside.}

ROMEO
'Sup, homegirl?

JULIET
Oh, it's you. What are you doing here? I thought you were going to go away.

ROMEO
Shhh! I've come to see you.

JULIET
No kidding. Why else would you be here?

ROMEO
(with a Shakespearean British accent) But, soft! what light through yonder 
window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

JULIET
What the heck is that supposed to mean?

ROMEO
I don't know, I just thought it sounded distinguished-like.

JULIET
You know, I have a confession to make. I really like you, and I don't care if 
our families hate each other. Now, what were you going to say?

ROMEO
We can escape and live together, and no one will ever bother us... except maybe
telemarketers! Here, I have this ladder. Come down.

{JULIET jumps down from the tower window.}

ROMEO
Well, I guess I won't be needing that.

JULIET
Shouldn't we tell our families that we're going?

ROMEO
Yes, we should.

{ROMEO pulls out a pen and paper and starts writing. He slowly reads aloud as 
he writes, like everybody does on TV.}

ROMEO
(writing and reading aloud) Dear Smiths and Joneseseses... I, Romeo, and the 
fair maiden Juliet have decided to leave you. We are doing a school project on 
fungus and need to do some research in Mexico. We should be back sometime 
within the next twenty years. Mmmkay, bye. Signed, Juliet and Romeo.

JULIET
Make it 'Romeo and Juliet.' It sounds better.

ROMEO
Mmmkay.

{He writes again on the paper, leaves it on the ground, and departs with his 
fair maiden.}

SCENE 4 - The Next Day

{LARRY and TINA walk outside the castle for the morning paper when they see the
note and read it.}

LARRY
Dear Smiths and Joneseseses... (reads silently)... oh no, this is terrible!
Smiths! Smiths! Come quick!

{BETTY and JOE come up to them.}

BETTY
What do you want?

TINA
Read this!

{BETTY and JOE read the note.}

JOE
Oh no, this is terrible!

LARRY
That's exactly what I said!

JOE
I wonder when this fungus project is due! I always told Romeo not to put off 
his homework till the last minute.

{Suddenly, ROMEO and JULIET enter.}

ROMEO and JULIET
Looking for us?

BETTY
Why yes... where are you?

ROMEO and JULIET
Right here!

BETTY
Oh.

LARRY
Shouldn't you be in Mexico?

JULIET
Oh yeah. About that...

ROMEO
We were just joking.

LARRY
Oh really?

JULIET
Yes. I think Romeo and I should be able to be in love with each other, no 
matter what our families say!

ROMEO
Yeah!

JULIET
And, furthermore, I think you guys should stop your senseless fighting.

ROMEO
What she said!

LARRY, TINA, BETTY, and JOE
Well... okay.

NARRATOR
And so, the Smiths and the Joneses stopped their sensless fighting and Romeo 
and Juliet lived happily ever after. The end.

END