I need you so much closer?
Mon May 03, 2010 21:30 (UTC -5)I got home on Thursday. I haven’t seen my friends yet since they still have exams. So I’ve had some time to think about things.
When I was in high school, I tried to write a book. I tried to write several books, actually, but the one I got furthest with was supposed to be a collection of poems and short stories. I looked back on some of them recently—they’re on my computer—and I realized how angsty I must have been when I wrote them. Even in this blog, if you go back a few years or even months, there are plenty of instances of teenage angst as well. (The classic example.)
In the past year or so, I feel like things have been on the up and up for me. I did some things that made me happy. I’m not one of those people who say that they’re a completely different person now than they were at some time in the past, but looking back on my old writings, I sure felt like I had changed for the better. I thought I was no longer capable of being angsty (I’m trying to avoid the word “emo” here). But I’ve found out that I still can be.
Unrequited Love, we meet again. Last time, your visit was more pleasant, but this time, I have questions. Why can’t I be friends with a girl without falling in love with her? (Do I even know what love really is? Probably not. Thanks for catching that.) And, more importantly, why is it so hard to dig myself out of it? How can I prevent this from happening in the first place? Can I at all? Should I? Who can I even talk about this with?
I don’t expect anyone to be able to answer these questions, least of all myself. But it makes me remember why I wrote those little stories at the heart of my teenage years. Just phrasing the questions is somehow therapeutic. It’s comforting to know that anyone who might read them has been there before and can provide advice or, if nothing else, commiserate. And once I’ve written this and sent it off into cyberspace, I can preoccupy myself with something else for a while.
There’s nothing quite as powerful as writing. That’s why I blog.
6 comments
#1 by Kate: Tue May 04, 2010 03:23 (UTC -5)
Everything is very simple. If you’re single, you can hardly avoid falling in love. If you’re not, being just friends is much easier. The thing is how not to be single or how to choose if you’re not sure who’s better for you.
Can you avoid falling in love? Yes, you can. But it requires some skills.
#2 by Daniel: Wed May 05, 2010 00:14 (UTC -5)
What does the title reference?
#3 by Jordon Kalilich: Wed May 05, 2010 08:23 (UTC -5)
I thought you of all people would know. It’s from the song “Transatlanticism” by Death Cab for Cutie. With a question mark at the end to indicate confusion.
#4 by Daniel: Wed May 05, 2010 17:42 (UTC -5)
I had a hunch, just wanted to make sure (;
#5 by Dan Zhao: Thu May 13, 2010 03:01 (UTC -5)
I used to have similar thoughts and feelings but things fixed themselves with time. I think, though, that falling in love (or rather, infatuation) happens until it happens enough. What I mean is, there will come a point where you have met and become infatuated with enough girls that you realize there are a LOT of girls that you can be interested in. You stop being infatuated because you stop fearing losing “the one” and start realizing that everyone is equally unique. Then when you find the one that complements you in the best way, you are going in there with a much clearer and more confident head.
And on the note of confidence – confidence is important. If you feel someone is better or more powerful than you, then in return they will feel that you are weaker to them, and thus less interesting. After all, who would you rather hang out with – lowly peasants or kings?
#6 by Jordon Kalilich: Thu May 13, 2010 17:20 (UTC -5)
That’s very insightful, Dan. I hope it becomes true for me too.