liek, omgz, only 74 days til my birthday!!!
Mon Apr 30, 2007 19:21 (UTC -5)This is how the world works:
You are born. You go to school. You move away and go to school some more. You get married and maybe have kids. You work for a few decades and then you die.
That’s just the way things happen. It doesn’t matter if you want to do it, or if you want to skip or rearrange the steps. As the robots say, “YOU HAVE TO GO TO COL-LEGE.” (Robots know that syllables break at double letters.) It may seem like I’m trivializing the whole thing (going to college, I mean), but it’s anything but trivial to me. Over the past few days or weeks — I don’t know — I’ve become increasingly and consumingly worried about money. I’m trying not to spend any money from now until indefinitely. It’s all going into the bank, where I can’t touch it until I’m 18 (a few months from now). College costs a hell of a lot of money. I’m fortunate to be smart and poor enough to have tuition paid for, but more basic needs such as food and shelter are still up to me.
I’ve been consumed by thoughts of living in college an an aglet budget. An aglet is the little thing on the end of a shoestring that holds it together. And here I find myself being (arguably) funny again, after having spent much of the day moping. I guess this is really why I keep blogging. Anyway, if you can still take me seriously, I more and more frequently see scenes of the college life that awaits me: sharing a bedroom with a stranger, dining at Taco Bell, probably having to juggle school and a job, walking down sidewalks to get from place to place, and maybe hitching the bus — which, I think, is free for students. It won’t get me to my aunt in Columbia County, though.
It really is strange. I live a comfortable life, and I don’t have to worry about much. But soon, I will, so I’m getting an early start. I would probably be much more comfortable with this whole thing if I knew what I was going to do with my life. Everyone I know either has great career goals or is at least going to college in exotic and interesting places, but I have neither of those things, and they’re in no position to be able to sympathize. Having career goals might even give me motivation to go to college. But as things are, I don’t want to go because it seems like some huge, life-altering, pocket-draining thing I just have to do for no reason. And anyway, no subject in school has ever struck me as being particularly interesting, which means that I’ll probably resign myself to a job that I don’t care about and live out my days toiling away in misery.
I just wish I had someone to love and understand me. It’s what I’ve always wanted, but it’s times like this that I could really use it the most.
Stop laughing. I’m sad, okay?
Nara Dreamland was a theme park in Japan that was like a rip-off of Disneyland. Some parts were pretty similar, aside from the fact that nobody went there and it looked abandoned.
7 comments
#1 by Kirsten: Tue May 01, 2007 18:35 (UTC -5)
Don’t feel bad about the start-of-adulthood crisis you are having. I will be in my mid-30s in 28 days, and I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. I’m thinking about going back to school for accounting (practical and excellent employment prospects) or perhaps graphic design (more of a hobby). Just commit yourself to 1 year right now and use that time to explore all the possibilities.
I can tell from reading your blog that you are smarter than most adults I know. The next few years will be the time for you to learn how to translate that intelligence into marketable skills. You may be eating a lot of ramen in the next few years, but eventually you will find your niche in this so-called “real world”.
#2 by katt jones: Tue May 01, 2007 19:01 (UTC -5)
Hey I go to Pompano – I’ve seen you around school.
Wow it’s strange to see someone I barely know has so much insight. I wish you so much luck in college.
-Katt
#3 by Luke: Tue May 01, 2007 19:59 (UTC -5)
Aw. Don’t be sad, JOR-DON (as the robots say). We will still love you when you’re a failure.
#4 by kels: Tue May 01, 2007 20:22 (UTC -5)
you know what? i had a really bad day too. thought you’d like to know.
#5 by Justin: Thu May 03, 2007 18:05 (UTC -5)
Hmm… I think you wore those emo clothes for opposite day a little too long.
But seriously, to be perfectly honest with you, I’ve never really taken great interest in any school subject either. I think that I’ve subconsiously tried to trick myself into believing that any of it was engrossing. Well, except for drama. I think that I actually do find that one interesting.
Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is, try not to dwell on the subject for too long. My island cousins have this saying, “Nah Worries.”, which they probably took from the Lion King, and might be easier for them to say since they live on an island in the most remote corner of the earth. Besides, I really can’t see you working any sort of mundane job. I don’t think that will be your future.
Stay encouraged. You are an extremely gifted person and a good friend.
#6 by Justin: Thu May 03, 2007 18:07 (UTC -5)
Please ignore every sentence in the above post except for the last three.
#7 by Jordon: Thu May 03, 2007 18:18 (UTC -5)
How can I? I’ve been feeling much better lately, in no small part due to what you’ve had to say. Yes, it was only a few minutes ago, but it’s helped me immensely. Thanks for your support, Justin, as well as Kirsten, Katt, Luke, and Kelsey. I guess the key is to remain focused on the present and not worry about the future. Maybe it’s not the best idea, but after a good sleep, it occurred to me rather naturally that it’s a good strategy.