Greetings, Stuffers,

As I write this, it's the day after school let out, though JOR-DON won't publish it until after he leaves for his “vacation.” Jordon has asked the rest of The Five to write guest posts for some reason or another. (I'm not sure why at all: he has stacks of material ready in case of death so that none of you will figure it out for a while. Clues are included in matrices within the text.) Since I plan to refer to The Five many, many times in the future and no one will know what I'm talking about, I'm taking this opportunity to be sentimental (aw).

It was only two or three weeks ago that I announced that I was definitely not the sentimental one when we were discussing one of the many articles I've been meaning to write for The Pulse. So much for that.

In an extremely lucid and insightful moment – unlike any I've had since the one in March, which was nicely destroyed – this afternoon, I became fully aware of life, the universe and everything. More importantly, perhaps, I fully understood each of The Five, the first such understanding since I had a dream that we DO NOT SPEAK OF. We're all essentially crazy. I've noted at least two main personalities for each of us.

I've had many requests to open the Creepy Archives to the public, so I'll publish just two small pieces. Today, talking to JOR-DON: “I was thinking the most beautiful thoughts earlier, and I hope I can capture them for the posts.” 18 May 2006, talking to Bria N: “Gorgonzola cheese, please. Dignam isn't dead! Well, they went to the trouble of burying him anyway! Beastly dead. Poor Ruddy. Midwives on Sandymount beach. Long live King Leopold I! Bronze from anear. Gold from afar. We're a capital couple, Bloom and I. Theeee! Erections while being hanged? Parnell? Beastly dead!”

Introducing JOR-DON KAL-IL-ICH: His basic modes are Stuffer Jor-don, Colleges Like It™ Jor-don, and Gloomy Soul Jor-don. But we'll talk more about JOR-DON's psychology in my next post.

Introducing Bri7 N “BS” Stanwyck: (26 May) “Note to Archive: When a friend is trying to write a college entrance essay, don't make fun of them for being manic-depressive.” Sometimes you deal with Arrogantly Smart BS, and sometimes you deal with Creepy Lisp BS. (09 April) “Oh. THAT bottom left corner. Well, yeah. LSD.”

Introducing Cardinal Mischka: Definitely needs to work on her speeling for AP Englis. Greatest person you'll meet while less-than-three-ing trees, but likely to be possessed while less-than-three-ing puppies. Enough said.

Introducing Megan: Cheerful... sometimes! And don't you know that God is Pooh Bear?

I am seriously a 25 year-old dinosaur most of the time. There's more (Other-Guy Luke, Political Luke and Psychedelic Luke), but who needs more than DINOSAURS? That's what I said, too.

As Jor-don was saying yesterday, we had to make projects about what we thought was seriously the sexiest decade in American History. He and Andrew used “Turn! Turn! Turn!” as their song, which was pretty OK, except that we didn't get to see it. Today we got to talking about the Byrds, and their cover of “We'll Meet Again,” which was strangely apt for the last day of school. The Byrds liked to end their albums on an ironic note, and what better way to be ironic than with Dr Strangelove? “We'll Meet Again” was originally a British war song meant to boost morale.

The Five will not meet again until the Presidents' Day-like celebration they might hold. Anyhow, today's fit of insight somehow, um... THE END.

“Keep smiling true
Just like you always do
Till the blue skies make the dark clouds fade away
Some sunny day...”

Frank Zappa's Playboy Interview: “Yeah. He came by my house and I was hopping around because of this splinter, so he pulled it out. Good story, huh?”

Library of the Uncanny: Robert Hunter's collection of supernatural stories.

Super String Theory: An easy-to-understand site on String Theory that assumes you're not a cosmologist but does not sacrifice content.

Tibetan Buddhist Internet Radio: The perfect companion for a reading of the beautiful new edition of The Tibetan Book of the Dead, the first ever complete English translation that includes color images, a history of the text, introduction by the Dalai Lama, and a glossary of terms explaining the meaning of tougher concepts.

--M. Luke Myers, POEE