Only in dreams
Wed Mar 01, 2006 19:09 (UTC -5)Her reply to my letter came last night. Here is the gist of what she said.
Your note was great, Jordon. I really did appreciate it. I’m sorry it took me so long to get back at you about it… The song and everything was great, but as I told you before, I’m talking back with my ex (3 years later). I am really sorry about all this. I’m very proud, though; it must have taken a lot to do all that and tell me your every feeling, and that was so sweet and nice of you, but I just want to be friends. I know that’s not what you want, but when you do want it, let me know. Have a nice night, Jordon. Sweet dreams.
I should have expected it, but somehow I didn’t. Nor did I expect a tear in each eye. And there I was, completely changed but just the same as always. I’m back at square one, which I never really left. I’m still single, but I must have learned something from this. And what does she have of mine? My phone number, all my thoughts, my music, and my (un)dying devotion. What do I have of hers? A promise that we could be friends.
In this message, she revealed something she hadn’t told me before. In her last e-mail, she had said she was getting serious with someone. In this message, she revealed that someone to be her ex-boyfriend: the guy I’ve seen her with lately. The guy I saw her with two and half years ago when I met her, and day in and day out after that. The very same hulking schlub whom I feared, whose sheer presence prevented me from telling her how I felt about her for so long.
When I read her message, I was very disappointed, to say the least. But I’m not really mad at her. I’m sad at her, if you can understand that. As you may be able to imagine, I’m a bit frustrated. Nacole effectively turned me down, and now there’s this girl, whom I thankfully haven’t been so bold as to name. Over the past two and half years, they’re the only girls I’ve really fallen for. Now both are happy with their own boyfriends, and I feel as if I have nowhere else to turn. I’m trapped.
A month ago, there was a little idea in my head to ask her to a little dance. Little did I know on Wednesday, February 1, that it would end like this. I wish February 2006 never happened. I’d rather go back to imagining naively that I still might have a chance.
Here’s a Super Mario 3 scarf.
How to tear a phone book in half with relative ease (?). As it happens, we should be getting our new phone books any day now, so I’ve called dibs on the old ones.
5 comments
#1 by Luke: Wed Mar 01, 2006 19:40 (UTC -5)
Sad at Her.
(Transition?)
Mario Brothers.
This reminds me of a situation where someone said “I’m going to kill you,” to which I responded (as usual) “hi?”
“How silly of me: hi. I’m going to kill you.”
#2 by Luke: Wed Mar 01, 2006 19:43 (UTC -5)
Also: this was someone I had never met.
It’s not hard to see you meant well, Jordon, but next time don’t take advice unless you ask for it, and don’t ask for it unless the person you ask knows enough about the situation to help.
“I SYMPATHISE WITH YOUR CRUSHED MOOD.”
#3 by kristen: Thu Mar 02, 2006 07:32 (UTC -5)
we already have the new phone book; the old one’s sitting sadly in a pile on the futon in the office.
nice reference to the great gatsby when you said ‘hulking’. or at least, in my mind, it was.
#4 by Eric Moritz: Thu Mar 02, 2006 08:51 (UTC -5)
Take it from a guy that’s been out of high school for a while. High School dating is choatic. It’s more drama than “The OC”. Everyone is a mismatch of inexperience and hormones.
If you look at things from her perspective, that feeling you have for her is most likely the same feeling she feels for her ex. Probably more so because she has history with him.
Try not to get to caught up in the whole teenage dating tornado. Everyone in school is being thrusted this way and that trying to desperately find their soul mate in high school. Later you’ll look back and laugh at how pety it all was.
#5 by Peter: Fri Mar 03, 2006 16:17 (UTC -5)
Me again. I suggest taking her up on her offer to be friends. You never know…