Colin and Brad

Last year I went to see “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” stars Colin Mochrie and Brad Sherwood when their two-man improv show came to town. Little did my sister and I know, however, that we could have met them at the stage door after the show like the other hardcore fans. When we went to see some other “Whose Line” stars put on a show in September in Sarasota (360 km away), we didn’t make that mistake again and managed to meet all of them.

Tonight Colin and Brad are performing in Ft. Myers, 240 km away, and so we’re going to try to meet them after the show. I don’t know what I could have them autograph, though. I’ve been looking for a good piece of paper, but I might have to settle for a pretty good piece of paper. Anyway, it should be a fun show. Colin is noted for his wordplay and outrageous humor. The multitalented Brad Sherwood is probably my favorite of the rotating “fourth seat” performers who have included Kathy Greenwood, Jeff Davis, Chip Esten, and Greg Proops. I’m not driving, but I think it’ll be worth the trip.

MyDeathSpace memorializes deceased MySpace users. Not long ago I was going to post a link to a similar site with the same purpose, but it got told to cease and desist before I got the chance. Since I imagine this site’s going to be gone soon as well, I’m posting it here right away. Enjoy (?).

This guy’s trying to get One Billion Page Views. Is it possible? Certainly. If Ty‘s web site could do it back in the day, then some meme… well, maybe. But he’s got a long way to go. (By the way, Wikipedia’s article on Beanie Babies is sorely lacking).

One year ago: “And one time I was told ‘My parents’ll kill my brother when they find out he’s dating a girl who isn’t Jewish.’”
Two years ago: “I’m really going to miss eating lunch outside, because the new building has a so-called food court, as if we were going to school at a mall or something.”

Of careers and colleges

Now that it’s getting late in my junior year of high school, the questions seem to be more and more frequent: “What do you want to do?” “Where are you going to college?” And I have to find out soon. But what am I going to do? I don’t know where I want to go to college, and I can’t really care about that until I know what I want to spend the rest of my life doing. After all, different colleges are better in certain areas, I’ve been told. You wouldn’t go to X University to study Y, and things of that nature.

Unfortunately, I’m going to have to make a decision about college (relatively) fast, and that means I’m going to have to make a career choice even faster. When you’re under such pressure, you really shouldn’t be making decisions like how you’re going to fritter away eight hours five days a week for forty to fifty years. Your career and the college you go to in order to make it a reality determine just about everything you do for the rest of your life. How much money you make, where you work and live, and even whom you marry can be influenced by the experiences (and pieces of paper) you obtain in higher education.

This is where I’m stuck. How do I want to seal my fate? I’m having a tough time with it all. I hear about interesting adults who are doing whatever they’re doing today because they were interested in it when they were teenagers or kids or toddlers. That kind of thing makes me sad because I don’t really have much of my own interests to draw from when making a career choice. I like playing the guitar. Bzzt, sorry. I… sit around on the computer? And write things? Yes, that’s true. I also enjoy computer programming. Well, I like my programming class, anyway.

But here’s what’s wrong with those choices. Writing is a fiendishly difficult business, one in which no one ever makes much money. I’ve tried writing fiction. In the past few months I’ve tried to write two novels and an anthology. I get a lot more practice with nonfiction, like this piece you’re reading now. But how am I to make a living writing about wondering how I’m to make a living? Just because I blog doesn’t mean I’d be able to write a newspaper column or anything (although that might be cool). And there’s little chance I’d be able to get paid or earn my own income like some of the big-time blogger sell-outs. You know who you are!

And then there’s computer programming. Some might say to me, “BUT JORDAN YOU LOVE COMPUTER PROGRAMMING WHY DONT YOU DO THAT AS A FULL TIME CAREER YOU ARE SO GOOD AT IT LOOK AT THIS HANGMAN GAME YOU MADE,” but then I’d cut them off and remind them exactly how long it took to make that game (though I am proud of it). The truth is, I’ve gotten into programming much too late to achieve greatness. If I were to have any chance of rising above the rank of the lowly office peon, I’d have needed to begin my foray into programming at the age of, say, 11, by teaching myself, say, C. I don’t know C. I’m pretty good with Visual Basic .NET, which is useless, and I can barely scrape by in PHP, which is like C but not.

I just mentioned that achieving greatness was a priority for me. By this, I mean emerging in some way as an accomplished leader figure like those who live in the history books. I don’t want to be trapped in some job I hate making some inadequate amount of money. It’s true that I want to do what I love, but I also want to achieve success, and I don’t think that’s so much to ask. I want to be the best at whatever I decide to do, maybe even if it doesn’t pay a lot of money (maybe). I want to be a success in my career and in life. But before I can, I have to decide what that career will be and whether I will be able to excel in it. If I don’t make it that far within the next few months, then all this pressure leads me to believe that I can only hope for a life filled with disappointment and obscurity.

Zillow.com bills itself as “Your Edge in Real Estate,” and it is just that. For free, and without registering, you can find the value of virtually any home. I found out that my house is worth over $470,000. The site also has charts and graphs of each house’s value over time, and disturbingly accurate facts like the date it was last sold, the year it was built, its area, and how many bedrooms and bathrooms it has.

The Ahhhhhh Page (warning: large) is a page that attempts to track the frequency of variations of the word “ahhhhhh,” such as “ah,” “aaaah,” and “aaaahhhhhhhhh.” The number of Google’s search results for each variation is displayed in a large table (more like a grid) that allows you to find the frequency of a combination of a’s and h’s rather easily… if you wanted to know.

Riding the wave

Today I got a large envelope in the mail from Russia. I had no idea what it was until I opened it and saw some familiar words. It contained two issues of La Ondo de Esperanto (“The Wave of Esperanto“), a magazine I had subscribed to a few months ago. I’ve read a little bit of it, and it seems pretty interesting. It includes news about the Esperanto movement, interviews, letters, and original fiction.

I’ve been studying and using Esperanto since the end of May, which, I am surprised to find out, was a whole ten months ago. Since finishing my book, Teach Yourself Esperanto, I’ve been continuing my education mainly by reading news sites such as Ĝangalo. I’ve also listened a bit to Ĉi Tie Nun, a podcast that covers weird news from around the world. Most importantly, however, I’ve been trying to think in the language. I constantly try to translate what I think and hear in English. I should probably try thinking straight in Esperanto, though. That will take a little more work. Also on the agenda is improving writing, speaking, and my vocabulary. Hopefully I’ll be able to achieve a good level of fluency eventually.

Yesterday I had what could be the best ice cream in the world. It was a flavor called Cappuccino Fudge Blitz. I love coffee-flavored ice cream, and I love fudge, so you can just imagine the goodness. And what a blitz it was. That stuff could conquer Poland any day.

And now, three Ask Jordons.

Luke: What was on the All Your Base Are Belong to Us page? Also: do you heart library scientists?

The All Your Base Are Belong to Us page had a few images badly photoshopped to include the phrase. Also: not especially.

catherine: Do you know any single men between the ages of 18-23?

No.

ng: what is the longest word that can be typed with only 1 row

To find relevant QWERTY statistics, I did a little research and found that the longest words typed on a single row are “perpetuity,” “proprietor,” “repertoire,” and “typewriter,” all 10 letters long. I tried going through the Dvorak list manually, but it was so long that I gave up. Instead I wrote a quick (ha!) and dirty program to do all the work. It determined that “instantaneous” (13 letters) is the longest. That word also describes how long it took the program to figure out the answer. I love computers and they rule the world.

Here’s a gallery of aerial photographs of Mexico City, one of the world’s largest cities.

And here’s how to fold paper into a secret note square. According to the page, “some people have trouble opening this type of note, so it’s perfect for passing secret notes to your friends.” If they can open it, that is.

One year ago: “Once you have a good set of filters, it’s truly amazing to see the Internet in a whole new light — and it’s much more fun than simply avoiding sites that have annoying ads.”

Strive to be as normal as possible

Yesterday I went with Kevin, Lisa, and my sister to the Sawgrass Mills mall. I hadn’t been there much, but I knew it was huge. In fact, it’s one of the largest malls in the US. I don’t even think we covered the whole mall in the six hours that we were there.

I didn’t buy anything (except lunch), but I was thinking about getting new shoes. At this one place I saw a pair of really cheap shoes that were bright orange — like traffic cone orange. The others wouldn’t stand for it. They didn’t suggest that I not buy them; they practically ordered me not to. I called my mom (who had said that I could buy a pair of shoes and that she would pay me back), and she said I could buy them if I would wear them every day. I might have worn them every once in a while. I figured that if everyone was going to crucify me about wearing them like my own friends and sister did, I couldn’t imagine what everyone else would say. So I abandoned them, and Kevin the non-punk bought a pair of those checkered punk shoes that have no laces.

From this I learned an important lesson. I’m already a freaky-looking wacko predestined to be cast as a reject from society, so I have to try to be as normal as possible. Wearing bright orange shoes (especially with the dumb jean shorts and boring T-shirts that I always, always wear) doesn’t help. I want to be like everyone else, and I’m dead serious about that. I wish my overall appearance were at least pretty okay. And is it so much to ask to have hobbies and interests and musical tastes that are actually shared by others?

Will I look back on this years from now and say, “Gah, what a stupid teenager I was”? Yes, of course. But until I can become an ordinary functioning adult living in a mansion, apartment, shack, or house with a halfway decent job, a completed education, someone who loves me, and car payments, I have to put up with trying to be accepted. I have to pave the way to the future, but unfortunately I’m such a lazy sluggard that I’m just sitting here and whining about it instead of applying for a job or finding out what on earth I have to do to get my learner’s permit. And if you don’t like my whining, then you probably shouldn’t be here at all, because complaining is apparently what I’m all about. Here’s an outbound link for you: Leave now, and don’t come back.

Funny how that turned from an innocent account of a shopping outing to a depressed rant. Oh well. My mind works in strange and stupid ways. Bad mind. No Wikipedia for you. As for anyone whom I might have offended in that last paragraph, let me apologize, shake your hand, and obtain a copy of the Florida State Driver’s Handbook. After all, I’m only human, and even though Colleges Like It™ when you’re a well-rounded person who’s a born leader and is perfect at everything, I can’t be. I’m book smart, so give me that if you want. I can see where you’re coming from, though, when you try to make me be perfect. I know a million stupid and useless things, but I don’t know how to live.

This made me laugh: Mr. Roger Lord Mortimer’s Neighborhood (Flash, sound). I less than three YouTube.

Decoding Best Buy wall numbers.

Two years ago: “I should be at work right now.”

Lack of exams

October’s Hurricane Wilma really messed things up for the schools around here, since school (and everything else) was shut down for two weeks. What? You don’t remember? Oh yeah, but you remember Hurricane Katrina. Well, Hurricane Katrina affected us all in some way, but Hurricane Wilma ravaged South Florida. Yes, I would use no verb short of “ravage.”

The effects were many. We’ve ended up having to make up a few days of school, but instead of tacking on days at the end of the school calendar, they’ve inserted them throughout the year. Whoever worked on that skillfully managed to axe the early release days and teacher workdays so that we could still get out of school at the same time and partake in all the government holidays that we probably have to observe. Since my school doesn’t have classes on Fridays, we had to go in on three Fridays, the last of which was last week. Luckily, there are no more days that we have to make up.

Normally, mid-March is mid-term exam time. (We have semesters. I’m really tired of explaining these things to everyone. Tell all your friends: “Pompano Beach High School in Pompano Beach, Florida, USA, has classes Monday through Thursday and has four 110-minute classes per day, and the classes change for the second semester so you end up having all eight classes but at different times of the year! Mmkay?”) As a bit of generally-not-as-necessary backstory, our exam days, which come four times in the school year (mid-terms, finals, mid-terms, and finals), are what they call early release days. We take two exams, then go home, go back to school the next day, take two exams, and go home.

In the post-Wilma world, however, it appears that they needed to get in as much class time as possible: so much, in fact, that they changed the exam schedule. I figured that if they were to tamper with the exam days, they might make them full days, as they did with one of last semester’s final exam days. It seems, however, that they decided to do away with this semester’s mid-terms entirely. Actually, teachers were apparently allowed to choose whether to give mid-term exams to their students, and I assume that they all said no. And so the semester trods along as usual. I guess there will be no exam grades on our next report cards.

Tomatoes Are Evil? I’ll admit that I’m not a fan of them, but I’m warming up to the idea of having a slice on a burger.

I’ve written about anagrams before, but here’s a good list. Take this famous line from Hamlet, for example.

If you rearrange the letters, you get this:

Back home

Hey, it’s another fun-sized post from The World of Stuff. I think the jumbo-sized ones are temporarily out of stock.

We moved back into the house last night, and the new tile looks pretty good. Not everything is functioning and in its proper place — particularly my computer, with its mess of wires and stuff — but most things are. We got a lot done last night in terms of moving things. Anyway, the rooms certainly look different. I think they look more inviting and comfortable with an earthy brown type of tile than the boring white tile we had before.

Yesterday in Mr. Weigel’s class, he did one of those things that only he can do. He stood in the general area of my desk and gave me a weird look until I noticed. Then he tried to quote the unwieldy title of a fairly recent post: A Fourth Serving of Cruel Joke Soup for the Already Gloomy Soul, in which I talk about none other than her. Hey, we’re all angsty sometime, and that’s pretty much what I told him. Apparently someone in another one of his classes pointed out my site to him. I know that she is in another of his classes. What if it was her? Sometimes I wish I’d started blogging anonymously or pseudonymously, but at least I haven’t revealed her name. I know that if I did, it would open up a can of worms for me somehow. Now excuse me while I talk to myself. She’s taken. She’s taken. She’s taken. She’s taken…

(That’s right, Weigel, go tell Firestone about my angsty online blubbering. He’s well aware already. By the way, thanks for giving us extra time for the visual aid. Also, I like your class.)

Last June I wrote about an easy new way to colorize photos digitally. Now it seems that the technology has been applied in a program called Recolored.

Here’s some information about the capitol of each U.S. state. Do you know what your state capitol looks like? Maybe it would be better if you didn’t. I’d never seen a picture of the capitol of my own state, Florida. Ugh. Look if you dare — it makes my eyes bleed.

One year ago: “I won’t admit this to many people, but I kind of like The Price Is Right.”
Two years ago: “After all, we’re all in America together, so we might as well act like it.”

Still here

Well, I’m still here at my grandparents’ house, where I’ve been since Monday. The guy is done with the tile, so it’s only a matter of time before we move back in. I don’t think it’s going to be tomorrow, though. Feh. In the meantime, I’ve been getting reacquainted with Windows 98, IE 6, and AOL. (Well, I never used AOL.)

I should be working on my project for American History class. I have to write a paper and make a poster about the Battle of Antietam — before Wednesday. Double feh. I just hope I’ll be home before then. I got a posterboard from a teacher I’ve never had because my partner in this project, Andrew, knows her, and I told her it was for him. It is, in a way. It’s our project. His job is to make a video with Windows Movie Maker. He’s good with that sort of thing. I just need to concentrate on my poster.

Poster. Poster. Poster. Post-her.

I’m now in the post-her era. I can’t forget about the girl I’ve only referred to here as “her,” but I can try. Now that she’s back with the guy she was with when I met her, things seem to have gone full circle, so I should now be out of the loop. (Like that? I just thought of it.) But I’m starting to feel the way I feel about Nacole: she’s still a great person in many ways, but she’s with another guy, and I finally accept that. I do want her to be happy.

Wow. If you think I philosophize about this a lot, imagine how I’d be if I actually went on a date. I’m not really interested in anyone (else), though, and I feel pretty okay not worrying too much about it. Strange but true.

The Gigapixl Project: Really high resolution images.

Hey, guess what? Iron makes our blood red, and copper makes crabs’ blood blue.

The interview

The other day, if you’ll recall, I found out from the school’s Guidance Department that I was being considered for the Florida American Legion’s Boys State program, which is “a comprehensive one-week leadership course in state and local government, developed to offer youth a better perspective of the practical operation of government and to show that the individual is responsible for the character and success of government.” I was told that the interviews would be Wednesday — today — and that I would need to wear at least a dress shirt and dress slacks.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it, but I figured I should give it a try, even though I felt that I wouldn’t make the cut. I didn’t think it would be a problem that I’m an atheist because the Boys State home page assures that “there is no attempt to impose any beliefs on anyone…. If someone does not wish to participate in any religious or patriotic ceremony, that is his privilege, as long as he does not prevent anyone else from participating.” Another consideration was that I had to make a resume. I started working on that, but I figured it wouldn’t be that important. So this morning, wearing the proper attire (plus a tie), I submitted the application to the Guidance Department.

After one o’clock rolled around, while I was in AP European History, I received a note saying to go down to Guidance. I was pretty nervous, but I tried to calm myself. When it came time for my interview, I went in to find not one person, as I had been expecting, but three: an old man, a younger man, and a middle-aged woman — plus the woman from Guidance who had told me about my nomination two days ago. I sat at the table with the three people from the American Legion, and after I told them my name, they began with the questions.

The first question was, “Do you have any qualms about saying the Pledge of Allegiance?” I admitted that I did. I added that though I’m not religious, I simply would not say the words “under God” because I’m proud of my country; furthermore, I said that I would respect the right of others to say the full Pledge. The next question was, “Would you swear on the Bible?” I said I would not. After that, they asked if I accepted the motto “In God we trust.” I said that I did not. Then the woman said to someone else, “I think we can let this one go.” She said to me that the American Legion was a Christian organization and that they would not accept me. I politely bade them good day and went out the door. The interview was over.

Inside I was furious, but I kept my cool as I returned to class. When some people asked me how it went, I broke the news. They had rejected me after three questions, without even asking about my other qualifications (which, admittedly, were few). The general reaction of my classmates was one of support. The whole thing seemed pretty ridiculous to them too. Seeing no reason to continue wearing my tie, I took it off. After a class discussion about the affair, Mr. Miller walked to my desk and did something I will never forget. He shook my hand and said, “Let me be the first to congratulate you.”

Here’s an account of using the Socratic method to teach an ordinary third-grade class. It’s a remarkable read.

The Scanner Photography Project: “Building homemade digital cameras from low-end flatbed scanners.” Yes, really, Check out the pictures.

One year ago: “In the best schools, boys and girls, the worst fights are about milk!”

“Foreign Leadership Camp?”

Toward the end of the day today, T.J. and I got called down from class to the Guidance Department. T.J., of course, is probably the brightest mind in the junior class, as far as grade point average goes. I think the lady we talked to said that I was ranked #3, which means that the school board’s online stats are wrong (they had put me as #1 in the class, and unlike last time, it seemed to be legitimate).

Numbers aside, the matter at hand was that we were being considered for the Florida American Legion’s Boys State program, in which we would spend a week in the state capital and learn about government or something. We’d also take some college classes or something like that. But since the #1 concern of these sorts of programs is that the students have positions and qualities of leadership, I’m pretty much guaranteed to fail the interview. I’ve never had a leadership position in anything, except handling duties on lead vocals or lead guitar.

Still, I might as well try, because I have nothing to lose. I have to have the application in by Wednesday, which is also the day of the interviews. (I love how much notice they gave.) I’m sure it would be a good experience — after all, Colleges Like It™, so it has to be good. I can see myself, among all the smart people in distant Tallahassee, having no idea what’s going on (as usual). I already know about something I’ll have to deal with. From the Boys State web site:

Here’s that idea that only religious people can be good. Wow, I’m having déjà vu or something. “Congress shall make no law,” indeed, but prestigious community service groups can discriminate however they want. At least they don’t make you pray, but it would be better if they didn’t alienate some of the eager young minds they’re trying to foster.

So, I’m going to go for the interview. If I recall from years past, the school chooses several boys for this, and so there can’t be that many high-ranking boys in the junior class to choose from. T.J., with his routine garb of a polo shirt, a crucifix, and an American flag pin (clothes make the man, they say), and his extensive (I’m sure) experience with leadership positions and even things such as this in the past, is a shoo-in. But I’ll probably end up kicking myself if I don’t give it a shot.

Do you love the music that the Weather Channel plays during their local forecasts? Here are their monthly/quarterly/seasonal playlists dating all the way back to 1998.

For those who can’t get enough of Dinosaur Comics, the online comic that uses the same artwork every day, there’s Dadasaurus Rex, which assembles panels from random strips, and NewsRex, which offers “news delivered… Cretaceously!”

Two years ago: “Curse you, Windows!!”

Moving out… kind of

It’s a weird day. I had to finish my homework early (that is, this morning instead of tonight). That’s because we’re having the tile in the house redone over this coming week, and we’re staying at my grandparents’ place. I’m not sure how it’s going to look, but it had better look really, really good, because moving furniture is a lot of work. (Luckily, I haven’t had to do any of it.) So today feels like we’re both moving out and packing for a vacation. We’re sort of doing both. We’re packing our suitcases, and the house will have a very different feel when we come home.

And, as I mentioned, the Youth Group Comedy Nite is tonight. We had planned to have my sister as the host, and me, Nick, Mark, and Carly as the performers. Apparently Carly couldn’t make it, so Mike, who was in the show last year, will be taking her place. Hopefully everything will turn out well. I’m pretty excited about it.

Hey, remember that Ask Jordon thing?

jeff: What are some cool stuff in miami

When I spent a day in Miami a couple of months ago, I enjoyed pretty much everything we did. Another thing I would have enjoyed, although it’s probably not as convenient to go to, is Miami Metrozoo. Frankly, I think just going around on the Metrorail and the Metromover is cool enough. You could probably make a whole day out of that. On this subject, my sister said: “See Star Island. See all the celebrities. Well, their houses, anyway.” She then added, “You quoted me? Ooh, what did I say?” (Actually, Star Island and the famous South Beach are in the city of Miami Beach, which is not Miami per se.)

Yellow Chicken: How did the “leaving trash on the table instead of outside revolt” go?

As a symbolic act of sticking it to the man (namely, the school officials who refused to let students eat outside for a day), it was a success in my eyes. I don’t think it was more than an isolated annoyance to them, though, and I haven’t heard anything about it since.

See your blind spot in action.

This Blog Will Change Your Life is about one guy living by This Book Will Change Your Life as closely as possible without getting arrested or dying.

One year ago: “I swear the menu mentioned nothing about shrimp.”
Two years ago: “Kids, there are three subjects that you should never bring up in a conversation, and they are religion, politics, and music.”