The World of Stuff .com

A cruel joke or two (or three)

Yesterday in European History class, I was busy reading the chapter that we had to read (which I wasn’t supposed to be doing, according to the incompetent substitute teacher). Meanwhile, Luke, Brian, Michelle, and Megan were talking among themselves (which I guess was okay). All of a sudden, they asked, “Did you hear what we were talking about?” I replied, “No,” and they said, “Good.” They then started to talk about some sort of plot against me. Now, I can get really paranoid at times, so it freaked me out.

At lunch, I talked to Gilbert about it. He knew about it but claimed not to know much. I went over to where Luke and Brian were hanging out, and there they were with Dan C. and Dan W. I was hoping that I would at least interrupt their conversation about a plot against me (if they were even talking about it). “We haven’t forgotten about you,” said Luke. “When will it be?” I said. “We were going to do it tomorrow, but we’ll have to do it today,” he said. He asked me when I would like them to do it. I told him it should be as soon as possible. Then he decided it would have to be next week. Whatever it was, that is.

I walked back nervously to where I usually eat lunch, out of Luke’s sight. So I was just standing around when Dan C. comes up and says, “We haven’t forgotten about you, Jordon Kalilich.” and walks away. “What are you going to do? What do you want?” I shouted, but he didn’t turn around. It was pretty weird. Back in class after lunch, I was working diligently when, all of a sudden, I heard: “We haven’t forgotten about you, Jordon.” It was Dan W., who was sitting next to me. I asked him about the whole plot. He assured me that it was an elaborate joke, so I eased up after that.

Later I walked into Mr. Weigel’s class, my last class of the day. All of a sudden, there came the sternest voice from Mr. Weigel: “I haven’t forgotten about you, Jordon.” By that time, I told Luke, who is also in the class, that I knew it was all a joke. He revealed that they were talking in class about how or whether you can convince someone that they’re schizophrenic. Since they needed someone paranoid to try it out on, and since I hadn’t heard what they were talking about, they picked me. Well, they picked a good target. I can be quite paranoid, so maybe I am going to be schizophrenic.

Today was to be a normal, joke-free day. But as we left our classrooms to go downstairs for lunch, we ran into a slight problem. The doors between the hallway and the staircase seemed to be locked. So we would have to use the other doors, all the way down the hall, that would lead to another staircase. I could see those other doors at the opposite end of the hall. They were closed too. People were spilling out into the hallway but not getting anywhere, causing it to be pretty crowded. Some people were trying to push on the doors and found that they were tied shut with thick wire. Attempts to break the wire continued until a teacher came out and stood around to make sure those rowdy teenage hooligans didn’t break the doors or something.

I loved this prank; I couldn’t stop grinning at the idea of a huge crowd of students unexpectedly being made late for lunch while trapped in a hallway. Even though I usually hate being late for lunch, I thought it was brilliant. It was definitely a better prank than the old crickets in the hallway routine that the seniors pulled last year. Oh, by the way, they managed to cut the wires eventually, and everyone got to lunch.

Later today the principal made an announcement to the school, but it was about another matter. Due to a lack of tickets being sold, the Valentine’s Day Dance, which was supposed to be tomorrow, has been cancelled. The tickets were only $7 in advance, but a lot of people expressed their dissatisfaction with the fact that the dance was only open to the school’s own students. So it was hardly surprising, in a way.

Also hardly surprising is that I now definitely don’t have a date. So my possible date, who still hadn’t called me about whether she was going to go, is probably breathing a sigh of relief. I can just tell. Otherwise she would have called me to say yes. So I came home today with $14 still in my pocket.

Ironically, this is not the first time I’d have a school function/date cancelled. Hurricane Katrina foiled what would have been my first date. Apparently I need to get better ideas for where to go. Movies don’t get cancelled. Bowling alleys don’t get cancelled. Restaurants don’t get cancelled. My house doesn’t get cancelled.

I guess I’ll give it another try. Luckily, this past week I finally found her MySpace after months of searching. I’ll ask her if she wants to do anything else, and in the unlikely event that she says yes, I’ll try to think of something.

What goes into the making of a “Simpsons” episode? Find out.

Have you ever felt like you haven’t accomplished anything? Then don’t check out Things Other People Accomplished When They Were Your Age.

One year ago: “Oh, right, I’m a confused teenager.”