The World of Stuff .com

No soap

Today was the second day of Homecoming Week. It was “Senior Citizens Day,” where you were supposed to dress up as an old person. Some people did, and it was entertaining. I saw a lot of curlers, shower caps, robes, and stuff of that ilk. Apparently old people don’t get dressed after they wake up. Others decided to dress as a member of the opposite sex. Yes, I’m talking about Jarian — the makeup was rather heavy, and he didn’t need to wear a bra. But I digress.

Early during the day, the members of the TV Production class filmed some people and their weird costumes. They used this footage to open today’s announcements. And instead of the usual stock music as a theme song, they played “Another Brick in the Wall.” Nice choice, if you ask me. Maybe we really don’t need no education.

Today in European History, while we were doing nothing, Kristen and Kelsey (the resident blondes who have recently taken to being… um… sassy?) were being their usual sassy selves. I decided to have some fun with them by pulling the old “No soap radio” joke. The idea of such a joke is to deliver a nonsensical punchline — “No soap, radio” or a variation thereof. The jokes usually involve animals in a bathtub, often penguins or polar bears. The ideal reaction is uneasy, forced laugher brought about by feigned understanding of the joke. This works best when there is pressure from others — people whom the joke-teller has previously instructed to laugh.

With this in mind, and confident that it would just confuse them, I told Brian and Dan to laugh at the punchline of the joke I was about to tell (although Brian already knew about “No soap radio”). Then I turned to Kelsey and Kristen and delivered a classic rendition:

Instead of confusion, I got anger. Kelsey yelled at me for “making fun” of her “penguin joke.” I didn’t understand. Brian asked, “How can we steal your joke if you haven’t told it to us yet?” But that didn’t deter them. Kelsey threw a bottle and an icepack at me. She and Kristen later stormed out of the classroom. I don’t know where they went.

It turned out that in their last class, they had told the following joke:

Apparently, “No soap radio” jokes are too popular to work. Note to self: Think of another nonsensical punchline.

Oh, I also found out that they (well, Kelsey at least) had thought that their “penguin joke” was tremendously funny and that they couldn’t stop laughing about it.

Become younger… kind of. Find Your Age on Other Worlds. I’m only 67 years old on Mercury but only 8 on Mars. Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto haven’t made a full revolution around the sun since I was born, so on those planets I would be less than one year old.

The Top 10 Most Ridiculous Products Of The Future. I like #4, but #1 is the best.