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Reform

I’ve been thinking, as I am apt to do, and I think our language is illogical. Some major reforms are in order, but there’s no one to carry them out. Unlike some languages (such as French, Spanish, Esperanto, and more), the English language has no governing body.

Well, I’ll get to that later. But for now, here’s what I think we as English speakers should do.

1. Avoid Roman numerals. We are not Romans. We already have our own numerals. This is important because if you’re studying European history as I am, you have to know all the many kings — European history is all about kings and queens marrying and killing each other. Why not just say, for example, “Henry 8th” or “Henry 8″ instead of “Henry VIII”?
2. Similarly, and more importantly, avoid Latin phrases. Basically all of the Latin phrases with which people pepper their writing have perfectly fine English equivalents. For example: e.g. (never written out) means “for example.” See how I’ve used it? “Etc.” is a notorious example of a Latin abbreviation that no one can spell (“ect.”). How about, instead of “et cetera,” we say “and so forth,” or “asf.”? Let’s write “t.i.” instead of “i.e.” or “f.e.” instead of “e.g.”
3. If we must borrow foreign words instead of coming up with our own, we should at least change the spelling. I know, spelling in English is haphazard, but we can at least make it something that — in our own language — is logical. “Hors d’oeuvres” is the archetypal example. (I had to guess at the spelling when I was looking it up just now.) “Orderves” is how I think of it anyway, so why not just write it that way? It’s not like other languages don’t do the same thing with our words. Another one I can’t stand is “tsunami,” a useless opportunity for a silent “t” — I don’t pronounce it, and I’ve never heard anyone say it either. For this word, which fits awkwardly into English speech and writing, I’d recommend coming up with a new word altogether.
4. It wouldn’t hurt to avoid saying “he or she” or “his or hers” or “him or her.” It’s painfully awkward and makes me cringe. I suggest “it,” “its,” and “it,” respectively. For example: “If a student wants to talk to me, it can.” That also makes me cringe, but at least it is a logical time-saver. It would take getting used to, but I think it could be done. We already refer to babies this way.

All of these ideas came to me from studying Esperanto. Here are Esperanto’s solutions for the aforementioned problems:

1. Hindu-Arabic numerals are always used.
2. Latin words and phrases are not used. Common phrases, like the ones we use Latin for in English, may be abbreviated.
3. Because Esperanto is phonetic, the spelling of a word usually has to change when it is borrowed from another language; however, making new words from existing words is encouraged.
4. Some people simply say “he” and “his”; some invent new pronouns to mean “he or she,” “his or hers”; others use “it” and “its”; I, however, use tiu (“that person”) and ties (“that person’s”).

But I digress.

Further along the line, a major English spelling reform would be necessary. But we’d need someone to carry it out: perhaps a body, assembled in London, of delegates from each of the major English-speaking countries. We could call it the Academy of the English Language or something, and it could hammer out an official English dictionary, resolve grammar disputes, asf.

Here are the Medical Histories of the Presidents of the United States. A few seem to have been pretty healthy, but others have a slew of conditions to their name.