The lingo
Thu Mar 31, 2005 21:45 (UTC -5)Oy. It seems like forever since I’ve posted. I guess it has been, but this week has gone by fast.
I’ve found that almost every girl I meet represents an opportunity for me, and all become failed opportunities. For you guys who are in the same position I am, read this handy reference guide for decoding what she and I are really thinking while we carry on our little introductory conversation.
Me: Hey! (Whoa baby!)
Her: Hello. (Oh please, get over yourself.)
Me: What’s your name? (I hope it’s not the same as my sister.)
Her: My name is… (Well, he’s going to find out anyway…)
Me: What kind of stuff do you like to do? (I’m not that weird, maybe there’s something we have in common.)
Her: I like… (He’ll pretend to like anything I say, so I might as well make it up.)
Me: I like that stuff too! (Jeez, what weird stuff.)
Her: What do you like to do? (This should be interesting.)
Me: I play the guitar. (Hey, it’s the truth.)
Her: Oh, my boyfriend does too. (Hey, it’s the truth. What, does this guy think he’s special because he plays the guitar?) So what kind of music do you like? (Probably polka or something…)
Me: Uh, classic rock, mostly. (Classic rock, oldies, same thing.)
Her: I like [some genre that's actually popular today]. (Yesss!)
Me: Cool. (Darn.)
Her: Well, gotta go, see you later. (Get out of my way, I never want to see your horrible face again.)
Me: Okay, bye. (I might have chance…)
This is not something I’ve just pulled out of the air. It’s based on actual experience. I’ve actually received “My boyfriend plays guitar too” several times. And one time I was told “My parents’ll kill my brother when they find out he’s dating a girl who isn’t Jewish.” It just seems that some greater powers have conspired against me to prevent me from going out with anyone.
But for those who would otherwise tell me this, I’m sure that one of these days…
…pow, to the moon. It’s more likely than me going on a date, anyway.
Tom: I am selling my house in Buffalo. Here is your chance to see snow. Are you interested?
I wish. I don’t think I’d be able to live up north; I’d only be able to tolerate a visit. From what I’ve heard, snow is cold.
Yellow Chicken: What’s your all-time favourite font?
I like Helvetica for its enduring chicness, but I don’t have it. Back in the day (a few years ago) I liked Tom’s New Roman by Divide by Zero Fonts so much that I used it for a science report. Other than Tom’s New Roman, I can’t think of any other fonts that I’ve had a love affair with. (By the way, I no longer have that one either.)
Regret the Error is a blog that reports on corrections made by news sources. Some are funny, some are just plain weird. It’s an interesting read.
1 comment
#1 by Tom: Fri Apr 01, 2005 07:27 (UTC -5)
Too late anyway, we already sold it. Yes you are correct, snow is cold and believe it or not it is in the forcast for this weekend.